Healthy relationships are wonderful and can be so beautiful. But you can’t find them because they’re built, not found.
I’ve written a lot about healthy relationships and what to look for so you know what it’s like, but it all boils down to not being complacent. Complacency can easily damage a healthy relationship and turn it into a toxic one.
My boyfriend and I are long-distance so we’ve discovered and learned the importance of being intentional and actively pursuing and connecting with each other daily, so that our relationship doesn’t become stagnant.
Before I share with you how you can defeat and prevent complacency, here’s why it can be detrimental to the most solid and healthy relationship.
1. Every relationship needs water and sunshine to flourish.
Just like plants need daily watering and sunshine in order to bloom into the best it can be, relationships need care and maintenance every day. If you deprive a beautiful bouquet of fully bloomed flowers of water and light, it will wither and die. Same thing applies for healthy relationships.
My boyfriend and I have been doing so great and our relationship is definitely a healthy one, but we still have to be intentional and actively invest our time, energy and maybe even finances so that our relationship doesn’t wither and slowly die. We set aside certain times daily to talk and connect, and we block off certain days and times to video chat.
Being active and not being complacent when it comes to our relationship, both friendship and love alike, is what helps it to bloom in every aspect, even if we’re in a long-distance relationship and can’t see each other daily.
2. Stagnancy prevents growth and promotes neutrality.
Healthy relationships don’t appear out of thin air; they’re all a result of effort, being intentional and investing in resources to help the relationship grow. Staying in one place for a prolonged amount of time can eventually fade into neutrality or indifference, neither of which is good for a relationship.
Many couples turn to therapy or invest in resources to strengthen their relationship when things are going bad and downhill. But many relationship experts advise couples to do that when the relationship is in a good state. I can attest to that, because when things are good, it’s easier for both of you to be engaged in working to strengthen the relationship.
Taking the time and investing in building your relationship to be rock solid will certainly help when you and your boyfriend have to deal with conflict, and they have long-term benefits too. Being neutral and indifferent is detrimental to a healthy relationship.
3. Being complacent isn’t part of loving someone.
Love in its truest definition is a choice you make on a daily basis. It’s not solely based on feelings and physical attraction. So if that’s the definition you have of love, complacency doesn’t fit anywhere in there, because love is a verb and it requires action, not just words.
My boyfriend and I love it when we exchange “I love you,” on a daily basis and that’s definitely important! But when we actually put our words into action, it gives that phrase so much more meaning and it holds a lot more weight. Being long-distance, we have to get creative, but we do small and big things alike to show that we really love each other.
You can’t love someone and be complacent. The two of them don’t go hand-in-hand. If you and your boyfriend seem to be getting too comfortable, discuss things both of you can do for each other that shows love best.
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